LITTLE  SHAVER 


LITTLE  SHAVERS 


LITTLE  SHAVERS 


SKETCHES  FROM  REAL  LIFE 


NEW  YORK 
THE  CENTURY  CO. 

1913 


Copyright,  1913.  by 
The  Century  Co. 


Copyright,  1913,  by 
Life  Publishing  Company 


Published,  October,  1913 


Certain  of  these  pictures  are  published 
with  the  permission  of  Messrs.  James 
Henderson  tr  Sons,  Ltd.,  London,  Eng- 
land, the  owners  of  the  British  Copyright. 


Q  Without  the  help  and  inspiration  of  my 
friend,  Arthur  Crawford,  this  little  book 
would  probably  never  have  appeared, 
as  it  was  he  who  supplied  many  of  the 
ideas  and  much  of  the  brief  text. 

J.  R.  S. 


Digitized  by 

the  Internet  Archive 

in  2015 

https://archive.org/details/littleshaversskeOOshav_0 


LITTLE  SHAVERS 


SHAKY  AS  TO  GENDER 


"  You're  a  fine  girl,  my  dear— and  is  this  your  little  brother  ?  " 
"  Yeth,  ma'am — y — yeth,  thir." 
"  And  what's  his  name  ?  " 
"  Hith  name  ith  Dorothy !  " 


Catcher:  Bring  it  here,  Katie;  bring  it  here  quick!    Don't  try  to  throw  it. 


"Mother,  are  we  going  to  stay  for  the  funeral?" 


'Well,  I  s  pose  Mother  knows  her  business,  but  I  don't  see  what  we  needed  a  baby  for. 


"Wil— 1— I— y— urn 


"  I  wish  you'd  make  a  face  at  her,  Tillie ;  I've  done  the  best  I  can." 


"  Look  here,  Gran'ma !  If  you're  goin'  to  get  scared  I  won't  bring  you 
out  shoppin'  again." 


AN  AWFUL  MOMENT 

Elsie:  Now  you've  caught  me,  are — are  you  really 
going  to  k'kiss  me  ? 

Johnny  (desperately) :  N  '  No ;  honest,  I  was  only 
foolin'.    I' I  thought  you  could  run  faster. 


The  child  about  whose  conduct  we  have  been  boasting. 


This  slot  machine  took  Billy's  penny  and  then  refused  to  work. 


Mother:  "Willie,  you're  eating  like  a  pig!  Why  can't  you  behave 
properly  ?  " 

"  Why,  I  thought  this  was  a  picnic." 


t 


LES  FAMILLES  NOMBREUSES 


Le  Monsieur. — Combien  as'tu  de  freres  et  soeurs  ? 

Le  Bambin. — Dame,  m'sieu.  je  n'sais  pas.    On  ne  m'a  appris  a  compter  que  jusqu'a  neuf. 


"I'm  writin*  a  letter  to  Liilie  Smith,  Mother." 

"But,  my  dear,  you  don't  know  how  to  write." 

"That  doesn  t  matter.    She  doesn't  know  how  to  read." 


It  was  me  dat  stole  de  banana  from  Tony's  fruit- stand  de  night  of  de  24th,  and  I've  come 
to  give  meself  up.  " 


"Oh,  Ma!  the  Browns  have  six  kittens,  an'  I  believe  I  could  get 
them  to  trade  one  for  a  twin." 


"  Is  that  other  little  boy  your  partner  ?  " 
"  Naw !    He  s  only  one  o'  me  employees." 


"  Please,  mister,  would  ye  mind  havin'  a  war,  so  me  an'  Billy  kin 
watch  ye  ?  " 


"Orchestra  seats  are  fifteen  cents  each." 

"All  right.  Gimme  two.  I'm  blowin'  me  mother  ofF,  an'  there  ain't  nothin'  too 
good  fer  her." 


Say!  Maw,  when's  paw  comin'  home?" 


'Gee,  Fellers!    I  hope  Billy  won't  go  an'  turn  State's  evidence." 


The  trials  of  a  family  man. 


"Oh  !  Oh !  I've  been  stung  by  a  hen." 


Willie :  'Course,  Mother,  I  aren't  so  awfully  big,  but  it  seems  to  me  I'm 
sort  o'  biggish  for  a  piece  o   pie  that's  as  smallish  as  that. 


A  Sporting  Chance. 


An  Important  Discovery. 


Mother's  voice  from  next  room :  Willie,  come  here !  You  must  never  listen 
to  your  father  shaving. 


The  Agnostic. 


When  she's  kept  in. 


i.  «  ^  J  ^  .1-. 


PROBABLY  NOT 

Patsy  :  I  ain't  a-goin'  to  tie  no  tin  can  to  his  tail.    Honest,  I  ain't. 


"Come  on,  Mamie.  There's  no  use  arguin'  with  her.  She  kin  make  twice 
as  bad  faces  as  you  kin." 


The  Penalty  for  Wearing  New  Clothes. 


"  Now,  Willie,  promise  me  you  won't  fight  any  more." 

"  Can't  you  wait  till  to-morrow,  Mother  ?  I  ve  only  got  one 
more  boy  to  lick  an'  then  I'll  be  through." 


Get  up,  you  mean  boy,  you're  sitting  on  my  gum." 


FIGURES  OF  SPEECH 
'  Aw !  I II  bet  ye  a  million  dollars  it  ain't.' 


"It's  an  inspirin'  sight,  Captain,  to  gaze  out  across  the  prairie,  with  nothing  but 
buffalo  in  sight." 


Messenger:  Who's  the  swell  guy  ye  was  talkin'  to,  Jimmie? 

Newsboy:  Aw,  him  and  me's  worked  togedder  for  years. 
He's  the  editor  o'  one  o'  my  papers. 


7 


'Oh,  Willie!  What  are  you  doing  to  your  new  boots  ? ' 
"I'm  only  just  simply  makin'  sure  that  they  don't  leak." 


CHRISTMAS  MORNING 
Another  fraud  discovered. 


Looks  Suspicious. 


"  Effie,  will  you  go  to  the  door  and  call  Fido?  " 

"I  can't,  Mamma,  cos  I  aren't  speakin'  to  Fido  since  he  broke  my  doll.' 


"Come  on,  Mamie,  an'  I'll  blow  ye  to  a  ride.  A  guy 
just  give  me  two  transfers." 


"Mother,  I  wish  you'd  make  Bobby  kiss  Aunt  Susan  too.  He's  always 
sneakin'  out  o'  things." 


Knowledge  is  Power." 


The  Big  One:  If  you'll  come  with  me  I'll  give  you  some  nice 
candy. 

"  1  don't  want  any  candy.  It'll  make  me  all  sticky,  an'  first  thing 
1  know,  I'll  have  to  be  washed." 


Mother,  I  do  believe  baby's  hollow." 


Don't  be  afraid.  Mister.    He's  had  his  dinner. 


"Oh,  Gran  ma,  what  do  you  think  that  wicked  boy  was  doin'  ?  He  was 
singin'  a  hymn  an  this  is  only  Saturday. 


Another  Convert. 


JOINT  OWNERS 

Proud  Mother:  Oh,  James !  What  do  you  think  ?  The  twins 
have  another  tooth ! 


"I  ain't  goin'  to  school,  fellers.  I  got  to  go  to  the  dentist.' 
"  Gee !  You're  lucky." 


"  Look  here,  Willie  Jones,  I  dreamt  last  night  that  you  stuck  my 
hair  all  full  o"  burrs,  an"  I've  a  good  mind  to  give  you  a  good  slap." 


"Wait  a  minute,  Mother.    He's  going  to  sing. 


9 


The  Lion  and  the  Hornets. 


"Jest  watch  me  an'  ill  show  ye  how  he  dene  it " 


I  don't  believe  in  you  any  more,  but  you  may  leave  the  things." 


An  Exploring  Expedition. 


"Billy's  got  a  girl!" 


Music  Teacher:  Why  don't  you  pause  there? 
marked  rest? 

"Yes,  teacher,  but  I  are  n't  tired.'' 


Don't  you  see  that  it's 


'  Oh,  Tommy !  You  told  a  fib.  You  won't  go  to  heaven  when  you  die. 
'  I  bet  ye  a  nickel  I  will." 


Katie  (who  has  fallen  in  the  dark) :  Mamma,  I  think  you'd  better  bring 
light  an'  see  if  I  am  hurt. 


"Harold,  you  mustn't  eat  all  the  peanuts,  even  if  you  are  pretending 
to  be  a  monkey.    You  must  give  sister  some." 

"But,  mother,  I'm  pretendin'  she's  some  kind  o'  animal  wot  doesn't 
eat  peanuts." 


"Ye' re  a  naughty  goil  to  get  yer  face  dirty.  If  ye  do  it  again,  I've  a 
good  mind  to  wash  ye ! ' 


The  eldest:  "Hush!  stop  yer  noise!  Do  yez  want  to  interrupt  the 
blastin' ! " 


"  Mother,  I  wish  you'd  make  baby  stop  licking  the  paint  off  my  soldiers. 
He's  just  spoiling  them  all." 


"Yer  little  brother's  lost.  Is  he?  What  does  he  look  like?" 
"His  face  is  w-washed  an'  he  has  a  p'penny  in  his  pocket." 


"Come  on,  Mamie.    Come  an  watch  me  spend  a  penny." 


"Johnny,  how  did  you  hurt  your  hand  ?  I  hope  you  haven't  been 
fighting  again." 

"Willie  Jones  called  me  a  liar,  Mother,  an' — an'  then  he  hit  me  on 
the  fist  with  his  teeth." 


IN  DOUBT 

"You  shouldn't  be  afraid  to  go  to  bed  in  the  dark,  Dorothy.  Remember, 
the  Lord  will  come  and  watch  over  you." 

"  But,  Auntie,  maybe  the  new  janitor  won't  let  him  in." 


"Gee!  I  can't  hold  me  end  up  with  that  bunch.  They're  too  swift 
fer  me." 


"  Oh,  Mamma,  isn't  that  baby  cute?  If  I  ever  have  a  baby  brother,  I  do 
hope  he's  a  Japanese.'' 


"Oh,  Gran  ma!  Won't  you  please  stop  breathin' ?  You're 
crowdin'  me  right  off." 


CONVERTING  THE  HEATHEN 
"  Tommy,  if  you  don't  say  your  prayers  this  minute,  1 11- 


> 


"Aunt  Mary,  if  you  met  a  lady  you  weren't  speakin'  to,  what  would 
you  do  ?  " 

"I'd  pass  by  without  looking  at  her."' 

"But,  supposin'  she  stuck  her  tongue  out,  and  said,  'Skiddoo'?" 


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